MEDIATION-PTSD. IS THAT A THING?

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Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder can develop after a person is exposed to
a traumatic event…

“… You’re a what!?! Did you say a Mediator?!” As I tried to understand his repulsed face he continued. “Sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt your conversation Stanley, but as I passed by and heard you say you’re heading to do a mediation my stomach turned, my blood ran cold and I was immediately brought back to 8 years ago when I meditated for 12 hours! It was horrible! I HATE mediation, and mediators are worse than lawyers! I mean my lawyer, said that this retired judge was pushy and often was used because she was good at getting deals done. And she can give us a look at what another judge might do. It was the worst decision of my life. Well second worst, staying in my marriage 9 years to long was the 1st. And after 12 hours NOTHING got done. 12 hours man! And, I tell you what. If the judge, I mean mediator, always came in beating me up on me and saying, ‘As a judge, I would rule this way or that- way, or, ‘You know she could get permanent alimony due to her disability… I would strongly consider that when I was on the bench’. I mean come on! Talk about against the man in a divorce. I refused to settle after that… No! she was completely biased and on my wife’s side. It was a pity-party that didn’t need to be done because my ex only uses her disability issue when she wants. And the mediator never wanted to hear that. My ex was a complete bully to me and her family which is why they were all my witnesses at the trial 8 months later. Sorry. But I just hate mediation…”
Wow! I was shocked at how expressive Mr. Jay was. Since I’ve known him for about 18 months and after many conversations after the gym, he never had such a harsh tone… So, with an empathic-understanding tone, I said. “I hear you, Jay. And yeah, many mediators are not well trained in conflict resolution but rather stay within their adversarial-approach to conflict resolution even as they mediate. But I know some fantastic former judge mediators, so do not lump them all the same. And I am sorry you feel that way about mediation. Mediation really is an awesome process and is supposed to be a balanced process. Even in our Florida ethical rules, like 10.200, it promotes the ‘…use, understanding and satisfaction of the process for the parties’”.
Jay shook his head saying, “What I experienced should be illegal. It’s too late now, and I should have done something before, but what, I do not know. I was so distraught from the hurricane of the divorce. I didn’t think I could do anything anyway, she was a judge, what could I do. I was in no place mentally or emotionally to deal with it. Divorce is just such a terrible thing. But now I am thinking, how many other people did she do that too… it’s just wrong…”
We continued to speak where I hopefully showed him that although his experience was not exclusive, and it does happen quite often, it is not the process or the profession that is at fault, it’s the practitioner and lack of training.

MEDIATION IS NOT ABOUT THE DEAL…
WE HAVE A DUTY TO THE PARTIES, PROCESS, PROFESSION & COURT…
TRAINING MATTERS…

Learning to CoParent As You Divorce/Separate: Step 1

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It is unfortunate when couples can no longer stay together and find themselves separating and filing for divorce. Parenting is difficult becomes exponentially more challenging when it is being done in 2 different ways, in 2 different households. This is a brief clip as to how someone can start the process of divorcing and CoParenting. As a Certified mediator, I have helped many couples develop their own way to CoParent as they were divorcing (and post-divorce) and it is tough! BUT CAN BE DONE IF YOU BOTH WANT IT TO WORK… I specialize in complex high-conflict families and I use a multi-level approach that can help couples create constructive solutions.

Mediation Observation Recap Discussion

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A Positive Impasse? Insurance Property Loss. Kris and I discuss and debrief about what she observed and learned by watching Stanley Zamor mediate a First Party Home Insurance case. Debriefing and discussing the process is advantageous for both the observer and a seasoned skilled mediator. The learning process never ends and only makes you better. Every mediation is essentially different, and the dynamics of how parties negotiate is paramount to the process. This mediation ultimately resolved a few days later even though it ended in an no agreement initially. This recap highlights the following (but not limited it): 1) Negotiation styles 2) The stark differences between the Attorney to client relationship and how they negotiation throughout the process 3) Party empowerment 4) Party self-determination 5) The Mediators ethics – Opinion and Advice 6) How to promote negotiations after an impasse 7) Issue presented by advocates/attorneys who may not want to resolve cases.